The choices we make

I have a tough decision to make in the next few days. Unfortunately things at work have gotten really difficult and I’m considering leaving my job (but definitely staying with Visions and staying in Tanzania). But on the up side I’ve recovered from malaria! Woo! Anyways, to make a long story short, I have had problems with the other volunteers I’ve been working with and it’s come to a point where it’s forcing me to make a difficult decision. While I really do love the kids I’m working with and care for them deeply, I cannot work with people who make my life miserable. Really, life is too short, particularly when you are working for free in a foreign country (in Africa no less), half way around the world, where there are enough challenges present without bitchy, cruel co-workers. For some reason, since I arrived at Amani, these three volunteers have had it out for me and done a great job at making it clear that I intruded on their territory. Everything escalated today when the most awful volunteer returned from vacation and proceeded with her supreme bitchiness, which eventually resulted in many meetings with my boss. Why there are people in this world who make everyday life so much harder than it already is for no reason, particularly in a profession where you are trying to help people, I really don’t know. I’ve had other reservations about them besides their meanness in the past few weeks, like the fact that they segregate themselves from Tanzanian culture (and Tanzanian people) in their own elitist white bubble. While this is a more personal problem, it’s difficult to see people literally come so far, travel around the world, and move no where in terms of their interactions with others. I guess I just really don’t fit into their clique.

On the bright side, the Tanzanian staff has been great and the kids are wonderful, although not without challenges. If I didn’t have to work with the other volunteers, things would be much better. Without going into it too much because I’m so exhausted already, these other volunteers have gone out of their way to criticize me and make things difficult for no reason because they are bitter that they were not informed earlier I was coming. The worst one is this incredibly rude American girl who just got back from vacation and it just so happens I have to work the closest with her. This is the part where I remind myself that I came here, so far away from everything I know, to challenge myself in positive ways and improve the lives of those less fortunate. However, that being said, I am volunteering, and unlike the gritty world of paying jobs, I have a choice here. The choice includes whether or not I choose to surround myself with people (who are all westerners, by the way), whose personalities make it nearly impossible to feel good about myself and make the work I’m doing that much harder. The thing that frustrates me so much about this situation, is that there are so many real problems in the world, and the volunteers at Amani have created this problem out of their own bitterness. Not to mention, I am doing my job and doing it well. I love the kids, but I also love myself, and work shouldn’t be this awful. So I’m either going to leave or give an ultimatum involving refusing to work with said, supreme bitch.